That Which Can Not Be Undone
by LunaStories
Summary: It can never be fixed. A story of despair, loss, and healing. An alternate scenario in which Sanji is the one who takes the damage from Kuma, rather than Zoro. Thriller Bark Arc. Warnings: Zoro/Sanji, Character Death, angst


**A/N: Just a fic to announce that I'm BACK IN BUSINESS BABY. Two more days of school and then I'm FREEEEE I won't officially start until after June 8****th**** (I have an SAT test I need to study for) but figured I would drop this here to inform you guys. I will be finishing Monster Academy through the summer; I hope you guys will stay with me through it and thank you all for being so patient. Ugh, I feel like my writing has suffered from my long hiatus but meh, hope it's still acceptable. Unbeta-ed, as usual :/ This is very different from my usual style of writing, I decided to try out some new things and see if people like it.**

**Warnings: ANGST. Those that know me know my style; I almost never do sad things but the stress was building up and I needed an outlet so here, have this death fic. Character death. (I'm not sorry.) Zoro/Sanji**

xxxxxx

The death of one person, no matter how insignificant in the long-run, impacts those around them.

Zoro wished he could have said he went down with a fight. At least then, he wouldn't regret it so much…but all it took was one well placed kick on the head. One second he was standing, and the next, he was on the floor.

The last thing he saw was Sanji's back, the back of the man he always admired for his strength; though Zoro would never admit it.

He wished he had.

xxxxxx

Usopp considered himself among the manliest of men and one of the best story tellers in the world (if not the universe). He would always puff up his chest in blatant arrogance as he relayed his newest conquest to his enraptured audience.

This was one story he didn't want to repeat.

Most would expect that he would jump at the chance to tell this…this _tragedy _to those willing to hear. If only this was just one of his made up stories, if only it wasn't true.

But it was.

In memory of Sanji, he was determined for the first time in his life to write a story of nothing but the whole truth; to put his pen to paper and _write_.

Usopp considered himself the manliest of men and the best storyteller.

But sometimes there are men who can transcend that label, and there are stories not meant to be retold.

And so he writes, even if the paper had some suspicious blotches reminiscent of tears, he writes: _He was a man of vague integrity…_

xxxxxx

They found him leaning against a tree casually, a cigarette between his lips as if nothing was wrong.

The immense amount of blood staining the floor around him stated otherwise.

And even as there were shouts of horror around him, Zoro dashed to the blonde's side, determined to give him a scolding (and then a beating after he healed) for the stupid stunt he had pulled.

They all watched with varying degrees of surprise as Zoro reached Sanji, and with one tap on the shoulder…he _fell_.

xxxxxx

Robin did not have the cleanest hands. Out of all the Straw Hats, she knew and accepted that she had killed the most people and had done worst things for her own happiness. She knew that there was more blood on her hands than even a pirate could possess.

And yet she could not help but shudder in pain as she saw the state that the cook was in and the amount of blood expelled from his body almost equaled the amount on her hands.

She did not like that at all.

In the end, she is the one that pries Sanji's cold body away from Zoro; she pulls him away from Zoro with her blood soaked hands (_Sanji's blood_ she realizes with numb pain) and places him on the raft.

For all her range of knowledge, she doesn't know nor does she wish to understand how to comfort someone in grief.

And so she does what she always has done with an expressionless front.

Robin pushes the makeshift raft Franky had built for Sanji, the one now holding his corpse, into the sea.

She looks around at her crew (_Her family now_ she thinks again as another stab of pain goes through her.) and with a stoic expression memorizes the varying degrees of pain and suffering on their faces, so that should an event like this come close to happening, she would do whatever she could in her power to prevent it, if only to not be subjected to their sadness.

Robin sees Zoro wearing a grimace as he refuses to look at the raft, now floating farther and farther into the horizon,

Robin sees Usopp and Nami, holding each other as they sob, unable to do anything but cry.

She sees Luffy, with his arms crossed and his straw hat shielding whatever expression he is making; though the shuddering from his body every now and again was not due to the cold.

She sees Franky with a stern expression for once as he holds strong in times like these where someone to take care of those grieving is needed. The tears he wipes away from his eyes every once in a while are not as discreet as he wishes them to be.

She notices that the usually jolly skeleton is strangely silent as he stares with hollow eyes at the horizon.

Robin cringes as she takes in the blubbering mess that used to be the little cheerful doctor of their ship, now reduced to nothing but a mere child who had lost his brother, his friend, and family.

She closes her eyes as she tries to keep in check her own grief, the rest of the crew would need someone strong and older to keep them together and who better than a person accustomed to death and despair?

Still, she could not help sighing as she felt the first tears of frustration and an emotion she does not wish to name swell under her eyelids.

Robin does not claim to have the cleanest hands, and the atrocities she had committed before meeting the Straw Hats were not something she regretted. Robin did it to survive, and she knew she would do it again if need be.

But at this very moment, she did not need Sanji's blood on her hands as well.

_My one regret,_ Robin thinks with sadness, _I'm sure this wasn't what you meant when you said you wanted to 'make an impression on a lady'._

xxxxxx

"Ack! Someone call the doctor!"

"Ugh- Chopper! You are the doctor!"

Zoro ignored the shouting around him as he knelt next to Sanji and pulled his head, as gently as possible, to rest in his lap. It was disconcerting seeing the usually so immaculately dressed blonde in such a bloody mess, his limbs splayed chaotically where he had fallen.

"Sanji." It was barely a whisper but Sanji cracked his eyes open slowly and Zoro was granted with a burst of brilliant blue. He had always loved that color, if only because it made the blonde that much more handsome in his eyes.

Zoro hesitantly brushed the now blood soaked bangs away from Sanji's face as he slowly wiped the residue blood on the man's cheeks. The usually silky strands felt so…_grimy_ and when it started raining lightly around them, Zoro was particularly glad.

The touch seemed to jolt Sanji awake from whatever daze he was in as he coughs and then his whole body recoils in pain before coughing up even more red.

_Blood_. Zoro thinks rather dazedly, as he rubs slow circles with his thumb on Sanji's neck; anchoring himself to the slow pulse he could feel on the gradually paling skin.

When Chopper finally came to treat Sanji, it was with eyes filled with acceptance that Sanji watched the little reindeer try to patch up a body they all knew was long beyond repair.

_Acceptance of what? _A part of Zoro's brain questions as he caresses Sanji's face even more gently than before, ignoring the confused look Sanji gave him at his sudden tenderness.

_You know what._ Another darker cynical part of Zoro supplies.

And his breath hitches, seemingly caught in his throat as he realizes with despair that he does know.

He understands, and that is what finally rips his heart apart.

xxxxxx

When they return to the ship, Franky instantly heads toward his workroom, feeling the violent urge to break or build something.

He had never been particularly close to the blonde, only joining the crew during the latter half of their adventures. But even as he tries to convince himself of that, he finds his eyes wandering…to the bench where they used to share a wine and cola together.

To the table covered in blueprints where Sanji used to place his snacks, understanding enough not to disturb him when he is building.

To the spot near the door where more times than he could count, the cook and Zoro had knelt, glaring at each other as Franky lectured them about their tendencies to destroy the ship.

It was only when he walked over to that very spot did he realize what he had built during his grief shrouded recollection.

A raft.

A raft to place Sanji's dead body on.

Franky recoils in shock as he drops the raft and winces when it hits the floorboards.

He stares at his hands in something akin to hatred.

_I didn't rebuild my body and hands from metal for this. My hands were not meant to build things like this. _Franky could feel the first pinpricks of tears in the corners of his eyes as he lets out a sigh that is much more like a sob. _Sanji, what have you done to me? To __**us**__?_

Only cold silence answers him.

xxxxxx

"Sanji."

A murmur answers him but that was more than enough indication for Zoro that Sanji was listening.

"If you die on me I will drink all your sake. The expensive ones."

_Stay with me, please._

"Bastard." Came the reply with a short racking cough accompanying it.

_No promises._

It was enough, at least for that moment.

Though Zoro couldn't help but wince as Chopper grew increasingly frantic, ordering the other crew members to retrieve varying tools and herbs from the ship.

xxxxxx

She had been shut in her room for the longest time, and she knew it was worrying the others but she honestly couldn't bring herself to care.

Nami only vaguely registers the soft pats on her shoulders from Robin and the food she puts in front of her.

She hated the food. She was starving, yes, but it only served to remind her that the quality would never be what she was used to.

In a way, she thought with some hesitance that she should be jumping with joy. Nami should be _happy_ that there was no persistent Sanji always fawning over her, and she wouldn't have to pay for the repairs on the ship every time Zoro and Sanji got in a fight.

For the first time in her life, she tried to make herself the witch that the others always jokingly referred to her as.

At least then, she wouldn't be in so much pain.

But every horrible thought she forcibly conjured was cancelled out by memories of _him_.

Sanji's ridiculous way of saying her name.

His gentlemanly image he tried to keep even when most of the ship already knew he had a crush the size of Neptune on Zoro.

The treats he always cooked for Robin and her.

"Damn it, Sanji. You never leave me alone, do you?" Nami muttered as she put a hand to her forehead in exasperation.

_Not even in death._ A voice seemed to answer.

And for the first time in days, she smiled.

xxxxxx

Sanji was growing colder by the second.

"Cook, do you remember when we first met?" asked Zoro as he tried to keep Sanji awake, to keep his attention on something, to keep him from slipping away. "We tried to kill each other."

"You still haven't succeeded." Sanji replied in a voice barely above a whisper as Zoro bent his head closer to hear. He clung to each rasping breath he heard as if it would be the last.

"Stay alive and I'll make sure to next time."

They both knew it was an empty promise.

Lifting Sanji up so that his head rested on his collarbone, Zoro tried to shift Sanji more comfortably as he supported Sanji's body with one arm around his shoulders and the other around his waist; clinging as close as he could without hurting Sanji further. It was sadly a familiar reflection of a small child clinging to his favorite teddy bear.

"You don't have to be so gentle, Zoro. I can't feel it."

Zoro paused in his shifting as he took in a long shuddering breath.

Sanji couldn't feel anymore.

He does not trust his voice to speak, they both know that if his pain is fading, then so is his life.

xxxxxx

Brooke knew.

Having met Death personally, he had known instantly, when they had found Sanji that there was no hope for him. The scent of Death was palpable around the man and Brooke knew that even if the others didn't have his sensitivity to Death, they all knew.

It was merely an act as the others rushed around trying to save a lost cause.

_Haven't you taken enough from me?_ He silently questioned Death as he watched the final moments of the blonde who had treated him as if he was still human. Even if Brooke knew himself that he was not quite human anymore, the man had treated him as an equal.

It was only right he remained silent in respect for a man as noble as Sanji.

xxxxxx

Sanji couldn't quite keep his eyes open anymore, the once brilliant blue reduced to a dull shine as his eyes lowered into slits; the fading light trying to spill through.

They had spent a moment in silence, just hearing each other breath in tandem.

"Promise me," gasped Sanji, his voice barely audible in the increasing downpour around them.

"Anything." Zoro replied firmly as he held Sanji's hand flat on the thumping of his heart; a steady beat in contrast with Sanji's stuttering ones.

"Find All Blue for me."

Zoro nodded, unsure if Sanji had seen but when Sanji relaxed, as if a burden was lifted off his shoulders, Zoro knew he had understood.

Resting his forehead on Sanji's he stared into those beautiful blue eyes of his dimming with each second that passed and relished in the feeling of the gasps Sanji exhaled on his own lips; breathing each exhale in like a drowning man.

_You __**are**__ my All Blue._

"I'm sorry," _for putting another burden on you._

"No, I'm sorry," _for coming too late._

Some things are meant to be left unsaid.

xxxxxx

Everyone had expected Chopper to be the first to fall into depression, knowing that he had loved Sanji like a brother.

And he did, it was to be expected, after all.

What they didn't expect was after the initial stages of grief and acceptance, Chopper had recovered twice as strong and became a pillar for the rest of the crew to lean on.

He comforted people where it was needed and distributed small doses of sleeping draught for those who were still haunted by the memories.

When questioned weeks later by Zoro how he had managed it Chopper's answer had been as much as a surprise as it was expected.

He had explained that he wanted to grieve excessively just like everyone else.

But then he would not deserve all those candied apples Sanji had given him.

He would not deserve all the love and care Sanji had shown him even when he adamantly claimed that Chopper was the crew's "emergency food supply".

He was the ship's doctor, it was to be expected, after all, he had concluded with a cheeky grin.

And maybe, just maybe, things might be all right.

xxxxxxx

The rest of the crew had given up.

Even when they refused and continually tried to suggest other methods that might work and heal Sanji, Chopper had answered with a resigned sob that there really was nothing they could do and that all attempts would only hasten Sanji to his death.

They had silenced at that, unable to believe what was plain to see, that this would be the first loss of the crew and family they had painstakingly loved and gathered.

The crew stood in a wide circle around Zoro and Sanji as if to cover them from the rain, as if it was enough to protect the two from the inevitable pain to come.

Even though they all wanted to have some last words with Sanji, a look from Luffy stopped them from their advances and they stayed in a loose circle wide enough so that the pair had some privacy.

It was understood that this was a private moment and they could only watch in silent anguish as the man they had known approached closer and closer to Death.

The two had always fought like a married couple.

It was only fitting that they say their last goodbyes to each other.

The crew had a rough understanding that though the pair had always acted like they hated each other, in truth, they were the only ones who understood the other's pain. They were equal and it was almost like a sin to separate them so permanently. They had been two parts of one soul, and watching the slow death of one was enough to break anyone's heart.

And so they watched, turning their eyes away to blink away tears whenever Zoro bent his head low to murmur something private only for Sanji's ears.

xxxxxx

It was an accident.

Zoro had resolutely avoided the boy's bunkroom and the kitchen as if it contained the plague, deciding instead, to work out twice as hard as usual and to stick to the crow's nest where he wouldn't be reminded of the man.

The crew had tried to _console _him, worried since he was the only one that hadn't broken down at the earliest opportunity. But he didn't need that; he didn't _need_ to share his feelings with someone, since there was _nothing_ to share. Zoro had trained harder than before, pushing his body to the limit as it helped him stop _thinking_ because thinking was painful and-

Enough. There was nothing that could be done.

So when he accidentally walked into the boy's bunkroom one day, forgetting for one instant why he avoided the place, he had paused at the doorway, shocked. His attention instantly focused on the chest which contained Sanji's personal belongings, ignoring the few equally shocked crew members as he felt something in him break again. And there was just so much _pain_, but he couldn't stop, not now. Zoro had spent so much time trying not to think of the blonde that he had almost forgotten all the times when he could think of nothing but Sanji.

He slowly walked up to the chest as if in a trance and stood, unsure what he was trying to achieve as he vaguely registered the rest of the crew file out, leaving only Luffy behind.

Zoro knelt in front of the chest as he ran his hands along the well worn grooves of the wood before taking a deep breath and opening it.

The one item that caught his interest was the blue pinstriped tie that had always been Sanji's favorite, the one that always seemed to wave mockingly at him whenever he came close enough in their fights to grab it. Slowly lifting it out of the chest, he let his hand run down the length of it, relishing in the cool silky touch it possessed.

He didn't know when he started but once he did, he couldn't stop.

Zoro spoke, knowing that Luffy was behind him, providing silent support that Zoro didn't know he needed until that moment.

He talked about missing the blonde whenever he was itching for a good fight and realizing that it would never happen again.

He explained how it was always the small things that threw him off, when he first realized that the shower didn't smell of that weird flowery scented soap that Sanji used. When he would nap and wake up well after the sun set, realizing with a heavy heart that he had grown accustomed to Sanji's special wake-up kicks. When he would start craving snacks at the same time everyday and only understanding, days later, that it was because Sanji had always brought him snacks at around the same time.

He never knew he would miss these things, he never understood what longing for someone was.

He didn't know nor understand until the day Sanji wasn't there to provide these things for him. He didn't know until it was too late.

"Luffy, you don't understand. I'm broken," Zoro had murmured in silent acceptance as he stroked the tie in his hands "And I'm not sure if I can fix it. I'm not sure I _can_ be fixed."

Luffy had then told him something that stayed with him for many years to come and had given him insight on just how much wisdom the usually silly man could possess.

His captain explained that some things are not meant to be fixed. In this case, it was better if it was never fixed, because then, Zoro could hold Sanji close to his heart and never forget the man. Sometimes it is not about fixing, instead, you can mend yourself, patch up the holes in your soul when the pain becomes too unbearable and only then can you come out stronger from the experience.

Zoro had accepted that, and saw the truth in Luffy's words as he felt the mental walls he had put up break in the presence of one of the few men he trusted.

And he cried, silent tears rolling down his cheeks as he experienced the first breakdown and the last he would ever allow himself over the death of someone so loved by him.

He cried for all the regrets he had and all the moments after that he wished he could redo.

He cried for the time lost dancing around one another when he could have just given in to his desires.

But most of all, he cried for the future he knew he could have had with Sanji.

And after he was done, he gave a short humorless chuckle as a thought passed his mind.

"It's funny, I always deny that I'm lost, but this is the first time that I have ever felt truly…._lost_."

Luffy had remained thankfully silent at that and the man walked out, relieved that he would not be needed anymore, because now the broken pieces could be mended.

If the crew noticed that Zoro's eyes were redder than usual and he had a blue pinstriped tie tied right under his black bandana, they did not comment on it.

For that he was grateful.

Even years later, after the crew had gone through hell and back together, Zoro never forgot his promise.

When they finally found All Blue, Zoro undid the now tattered and bloodstained (but still surprisingly intact) tie from his arm and had let it drift into the ocean.

"For you."

And for the first time in years, his battered heart felt lighter.

xxxxxx

Darkness. That was the only thing surrounding Sanji as he panicked before realizing that it was because he had lost his sight, feeling, and hearing.

It was depressing and scary being alone in such a cold lonely place, but there was still one thing, one more thing he wanted to say before he died.

So he forced his lips to move, hoping and praying that he would be able to convey what he wanted.

"I love you." It was a small sound compared to the background noise around them, but it was enough.

When he started despairing, believing that Zoro had not heard him, that he was too late, he felt a firm touch against his lips.

He shouldn't be able to _feel_, he had long since lost all his senses but he knew and felt his stuttering heart swell in happiness as Zoro moved his warm lips against his own immobile ones in a silent answer to his confession.

And when he breathed in what he knew would be his last breath, he exhaled-

"_Forever Yours"_

Then, there was nothing.

_**END**_

**A/N: Reviews would be greatly appreciated and cherished. (If only to rage at me about my cruelty, please, go ahead.)**


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